I was driving to work yesterday, jammin’ out to some Deanna Carter, and I got a call. My husband never calls me in the morning, so I knew something was up. “I’ve got some bad news, and I’m sorry to ruin your day,” he said. “Madison’s been sent home from school. She has lice. There’s […]Read More Holy Lice Patrol!!
When you’re pregnant, it seems like every other mom wants to tell you the story of her labor. The gross, disgusting, horrifying stories. Even when you didn’t ask. Especially when you clearly say that you DON’T want to know. They cut you where? He came out how? They did what to her head when she […]Read More The Question Nobody Wants to Ask
I remember the days when I said I would NEVER have kids. EVER. Some of my friends and family had kids, and they’d tell me how much they LOVED being pregnant. Oh it was so fun. It’s amazing. Something you will regret if you don’t do. Yada, yada, yada… Are you kidding me? Your fuckin […]Read More Pregnancy. Not all Sunshine and Rainbows.
He came walking out of the procedure room like he had a corn cob stuck up his ass. I had done it. I cut off my husband’s balls. (At least that’s what he will tell you.) He looked at me with an uncomfortable look on his face…but said nothing. They told him ahead of time […]Read More For Christmas, I Cut Off My Husband’s Balls
As I awoke this morning, I could hear my son over the baby monitor…screaming. He was hungry. I made myself crawl out of bed, and stumbled up the stairs to make his bottle as quickly as I could. My son crying is the worst sound I’ve ever heard. All I want to do is comfort him […]Read More I Pee My Pants When I Sneeze…