I’ve always loved Easter…it was the day I was born. I ruined my brother’s Easter egg hunt and he hated me for years after that. I’m pretty sure he’s still a little butt-hurt…
And because I love Easter, I’ve always loved the Easter Bunny. After all, he gave me to my mama as an Easter Gift. (Although I’ve always wondered why he couldn’t just pack me in a pretty little basket instead of putting her through hours of hell in labor…) And just look at that cute little fluffy face…Don’t let it fool you.
But as the years have gone on, and I no longer get Easter baskets from the Easter Bunny, I’ve started questioning his motives…and my conclusion: The Easter Bunny is a LIAR and a CON ARTIST!
So this morning, the kids woke up to two cute little Easter baskets filled with towels, swim gear, books, movies, and colorful eggs filled with candy and money. It was so nice of the Easter Bunny to bring all those things for them…NOT!
First of all, the little furry fucker broke into our house to deliver those baskets. And I didn’t even see him! Next year I’m setting a trap.
Second of all, he hacked MY FREAKING Amazon account! I always wondered how the hell he paid for all that shit for kids all around the world. Truth is…he doesn’t! The little shit hacked my Amazon account, used my credit card, and had all that stuff shipped to his secret Easter Bunny headquarters. WTF? When did the Easter Bunny become so tech savvy?
And get this…a few days ago, five dollars went missing out of my husband’s pocket. That’s weird… One of Madison’s plastic eggs was filled with a five dollar bill. Coincidence? I THINK NOT! That little rodent got into my husband’s jeans, ate the five dollar bill, and somehow shit it out into a pretty plastic egg. Congrats Maddie…you got five dollars encased in rabbit poop.
You might think I’m paranoid; you might think I’m crazy; and maybe this is just a conspiracy theory… but I’m on to you Easter Bunny! You show up with your fluffy little face and deliver these pretty little baskets and take all the credit. Next time, the least you could do is leave a note saying, “Hey, your parents paid for this shit. I just delivered it.”
Thanks a lot for nothing! Happy Easter 🙂