I remember how I felt the first time I laid eyes on him. The first time I held him in my arms. The first time he wrapped his tiny little fingers around mine. I remember how much I loved him before I ever met him. It’s a bond only a mother has with her child. She carries him for nine months; protects him; loves him. It’s special, and something that can never be broken.
I’ve always wondered if he can feel the love we have for him. Or if he knows how much his daddy and mommy adore him. I’ve always wondered what little thoughts he has when we look into his eyes, or when we snuggle him to sleep at night. I wonder what he’s thinking when he looks at us with those big blue eyes. But sometimes, my unanswered questions turn to fear.
I’ve feared that we might be failing as parents. I’ve feared that he won’t know he’s loved. I’ve feared that he will never know what love is. I fear that when he’s misbehaving, it’s our fault because we aren’t doing something right. I fear that when he’s slow to communicate, we aren’t reading enough books or talking to him enough. I fear that when he has his own fears, we aren’t protecting him.
But tonight, for the first time, my fears have settled; and I know it will get easier. Tonight, for the first time, he said those three little words. I. LOVE. YOU. The moment I heard it as he sat in his daddy’s arms, my heart filled with joy; my eyes with tears; my soul with love.
He may not even know what he said or what it means, but he does know love. My biggest fear is gone. And tonight as we rocked to sleep, it was different than any other night. I looked at my little boy and realized that even though I may always have fears, at least we got one thing right. We snuggled and I wished the moment would last forever…He knows LOVE.