To the woman who broke my husband’s heart…


There are two sides to every story. People fight all the time, and each recounts a different version, even though they were both there for the same conversation. It’s human nature. And it happens in marriages all the time.

When first I met my husband, we had the normal conversation that every new couple has. What happened in previous relationships, why we’ve been single, and where we went wrong. And I heard about everything you did wrong. And this whole time, I’ve bitten my tongue when you two disagree, knowing there are always two sides to every story.

But over time as I’ve been married to my husband, you’ve changed my perspective. I have always had my husband’s back and always will, but recently, you made it necessary. Yes, my husband chose to marry you. He chose to have a child with you. He chose to love you. He chose you.

But you ruined that. You continually treated him like he was a child. He provided for you and you did nothing but put him down. You didn’t appreciate him for who he was. So he left.

Then he found me. And I am no saint, but I chose him…the same way he originally chose you. But I cherished him, unlike what you did. I loved him and I always will love him. And I would never break his heart, especially the way you did recently.

You didn’t break his heart because he still loves you. You broke his heart because you treat him like crap, when you know deep down that he’s the best dad he can be. You broke his heart because you try to discount the fact that he has always been there for his daughter. You broke his heart because you have repeatedly questioned his parenting when you know nothing about it. And you broke his heart because you took even more precious time away from him… and all you are still doing is trying to drive his daughter away.

I’ve listened to you scream at him before. And said nothing. I’ve watched you scream at him in front of your own daughter even. And STILL said nothing. But it’s time my silence is broken. When I have to comfort my husband as he cries himself to sleep missing his baby girl, that’s where I draw the line.

People often discount the fathers when it comes to divorce and split households. But they don’t see the love that some dads invest in their children. They don’t see fathers missing their children, wanting nothing more than one more minute with them.

My husband gives his daughter the world and protects her from everything. So much so that it even comes in between our relationship sometimes. He does what my dad never could. What my dad never wanted to do. What my dad never cared to put in the effort for. He is the best dad he can be.

Mrs. Ex-Vangrud, I know you are divorced, and you may hate my husband for everything that he is and ever was, but you don’t get to treat him that way. You share one thing in common with my husband. And that one thing is the reason he lives. That one thing is why he gets up and works hard each and every day. It’s his daughter and his world.

I didn’t choose to fall in love with a man that has such complicated history. I didn’t choose to love a daughter that’s not mine. I didn’t choose to have to deal with you for the rest of my life, but that’s the way it happened. I fell in love, and I accepted all the things that came with it. Even you.

And I know you didn’t choose me. I know you didn’t want your daughter to have a split household. I know you didn’t want to have to compromise your time with her. And I know damn well you didn’t want her to have two moms. But she does. And you don’t respect that, so neither will she.

But I refuse to believe our only future with you involves you belittling his ability as a father. I refuse to believe that I have to sit back and watch you scream at him. I refuse to believe that I have to bite my tongue any longer while you put those same hateful thoughts into our child’s mind. And I refuse to believe that we can’t make the best of the time we do get with her, even though it’s so little.

I knew we would never be friends, but I hoped that, for OUR daughter’s sake, that we could see eye to eye. But it’s clear that we don’t.

So to the woman who broke my husband’s heart, to the woman who has always treated him like a piece of shit, to the woman who constantly tries to drive our daughter away and take precious time with her away from us…go fuck yourself. Because he is better than you. He’s a better parent and a better spouse. And regardless of what you have to say about him, everyone knows there are two sides to every story. And you…high and mighty as you are…you are wrong.

You couldn’t have found a better father for your child. And you’re DAMN lucky you even have him. And when she’s old enough, she will know it too. She might not know it now, but when she’s old enough to choose for herself, she will see the bullshit you’ve put her dad through. And the sooner you realize that, the better off we will all be. And the better off our daughter will be.

To every mom out there who hates her “baby daddy,” why don’t you take a step back. Ask yourself this: is he a shitty father, or are you just mad that he doesn’t love you any more?

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