Today, something happened at my house. Something I didn’t expect. Something that reminded me just how much I love my baby boy. And how great of a father my husband is. I had an “OH SHIT” moment.
I was getting ready to head to the grocery store. I stopped in the bathroom to fix my ponytail because I looked terrible…we always spend Sundays in our jammies around here. Oliver came running after me on our hardwood floor, and from the bathroom, I heard a loud SMACK! Followed by an “Oh fuck” from my husband. I rushed out to see what was going on. I look at Dale who is now holding Oliver, and all I see is blood. Everywhere. My heart dropped.
Oliver smacked his face on the ground. His nose was bloody, his mouth was bloody, his gums swollen, and he bit two little tooth-shaped holes in his bottom lip. He was screaming bloody murder, and his face was already starting to bruise. For a mother with an anxiety problem, this was the last thing I needed. I went from calm and relaxed to Mama Bear Overdrive. And I didn’t know what to do.
From there, I turned into a robot…asking 20 questions. Did he knock out any teeth? Does he need stitches? Dale, what do I do? I followed every order my overly-calm husband gave me. Ibuprofen…check. Cold wash cloth…check. Frozen teething ring…check. Mama snuggles…double triple check.
As I sat in the rocking chair trying to console my sweet boy, I couldn’t help but cry. I didn’t hurt myself at all, yet I could feel his pain, and I couldn’t make it go away.
Sometimes reality slaps you in the face. And sometimes you have no idea it’s coming. All I could think about was that I was responsible for this tiny life, and at that moment, I would have given anything to be able to take his place and feel his pain so he didn’t have to.
So this was my “OH SHIT” moment: I realized that for the rest of my life, I am going to feel this way. For the rest of my life, I am going to worry about my baby boy…even when he’s not a baby anymore. When he’s not tripping over his own feet or hurting himself, I’m gonna worry about who else will hurt him. And I’m going to spend my whole life trying to protect him.
I was truly scared. All I saw was blood and I didn’t know what to do, and I thank god that my husband was there to support me and help me know that everything was going to be alright. He was amazing, and it confirms it even more that I married the most wonderful man. He’s my calm in my “OH SHIT” moments. He’s my brain when I can’t think straight. And he’s the protecting daddy when mommy’s being a basket case.
Today i learned just how powerful a woman’s love for her family can be…and now I’m ready. So go ahead my baby boy; bring on the “OH SHIT” moments, because I will always be there…your basket case mama bear, ready to snuggle and take your pain away.