What do you do after you have everything you ever wanted? When you’re becoming an adult, there’s that moment when you decide what you want to do with your life. Go to college. Land a good job. Get married. Buy a house. Have kids.
And then you work your ass off to do all of that. But what do you do when you get to the last thing on your list? For me, it was my kid. He was the last thing I wanted to do. So now what?
My brother told me once that after you turn 25, the only thing you have to look forward to is dying. Yep, those were his words on my 25th birthday. (Loving family, I know.) So is that really all I have left?
The past week has been kind of odd. Our vet told us our dog that we’ve loved for 9 years has some weird trachea disease that could kill him. My husband witnessed an accident at work, and if he were standing ten feet closer, it could have cost him his life. A friend of ours died too young after fighting her whole life to be alive. I was told I have the cholesterol level of an overweight man and I am at risk of having a stroke at 25. Our family doctor that we’ve had for years died at an early age from cancer.
We have been living our lives like we are the victims. Our whole family has. Our daughter mopes around the house and cries because she is no longer the baby. My husband gets frustrated because he is tired of the same routine. I basically give up because I’m tired of dealing with things the way they are and I’m exhausted. My husband and I bicker over the dumbest things. Our extended family is filled with constant drama, and we sit back and watch while people make stupid decisions. We are tired of work, of the responsibility that comes with children, and of the same shit every day. We are acting like fucking victims. Life is too short for this shit, and nobody but God knows how many days we all have left.
The thing we forget is that our lives are the result of choices that we made. I wanted this. And now I have everything I ever wanted. I can’t change how other people behave. I can’t make decisions for my family. I can’t make my daughter be happy to have a little brother, I can’t make the monotony my husband feels go away, but I can choose for myself. Maybe instead of playing the victim, I can look forward to watching my kids grow up. Maybe I can look forward to spending every day for the rest of my life with the man I love. Maybe I can snuggle with my puppy dog every chance I get. Maybe I can stop trying to please everybody else and just be who I am. And just maybe, I can be happy for what I have.
So maybe it’s true that I have nothing else to look forward to…But maybe it’s not.