The Question Nobody Wants to Ask

When you’re pregnant, it seems like every other mom wants to tell you the story of her labor. The gross, disgusting, horrifying stories. Even when you didn’t ask. Especially when you clearly say that you DON’T want to know.

They cut you where? He came out how? They did what to her head when she got stuck? They made you sit doggy style? There’s MORE that comes out after the baby?? What did you say it looks like? What ripped? Holy shit.

Well…now I know. I was there. I got to experience all the gory details. And I wish everyone else would’ve kept their gory details to themselves. I actually remember pushing and the doctor said, “He’s crowning. Do you want to feel it?” (And it was right about this time, I saw the most horrified look on my husband’s face.) Uhhhh, thanks but I’ll pass. Pretty sure I can feel enough, and I can just take your word for the rest.

But there’s one part that everybody joked about but nobody admitted it actually happening to THEM… Maybe it’s because they are embarrassed. Or maybe it’s because they don’t really know. Unless you had a giant mirror at the foot of your bed, you probably didn’t see a whole lot from that angle… (Or unless you are super duper flexible…and if you are, I’m sure there are a few men out there that would love to meet you.)

But it’s that dreaded question that every woman can’t bring herself to ask her husband. Or the doctor. Or the nurse. Or the poor bastard who has to take out the trash. Or anybody at all. You probably have a pretty good idea, but you still don’t want to ask. And you’re not sure if you really want to know. But honestly, after all that you pushed out of your HooHa, do you really think it’s that unrealistic of a question??

To be honest, I never even asked. And I probably won’t. It’ll just be that unspoken tale that my husband swore he would never speak of again.  But it still makes you wonder…

Did I poop during labor?


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